Journal entry found from Jan 6, 2005
YES! It snapped – I”M BACK! But even better than before.
I want this feeling to last. I feel like I refigured everything out. You gotta stop focusing inward – stop caring – stop being afraid of what to do – what to say – which direction you’re going – and just look ahead with faith and optimism – seeing all – stepping back – past, present, future all at once. PRETEND – Make the movie but don’t consciously THINK about it. It will make itself. Come back to earth – focus outward – be concerned – GENUINELY more for others than for yourself and you will be taken care of. I’m sure of it!!
If something bad happened to you, go back and visualize it with a positive outcome. Make your own universe – THE 4TH DIMENSION – SQUARE ONE – You’re always welcome here and it’s really so simple to find – so simple that we get too caught up in thinking and we can’t see it when it’s right in front of us.
Just start DOING without anxiety or fear trapping you in negative patterns of thought and possible negative outcomes. There’s no ‘What If’ – there’s no future – no past – no present – Nothing matters – which is why you can have the courage to make EVERYThing matter. Have fun – be disciplined – talk, laugh, share, ENJOY – IT’S ALL FOR YOU – a big canvas for you to paint however you like. DO WHATEVER – as long as you’re positive it won’t hurt you or anyone else, you can only help. Have Faith. No rush. If you’re there, you’ll do it.
I’m here – I’m there – now and then – never and always – HERE I GO! – with patience and courage and Faith!
Life is just like JAZZ….Eclectic and crazy…calm & peaceful…Listen to life – ride it – let it take you where it will – Enjoy the ride…
The one’s who spend all their time preparing for it will miss out on doing it.
The pleasure, the pain, friends, lovers, it’s all yours to experience
Pay attention but don’t get caught up.
That’s the problem with the thinkers, they get so caught up in their thinking, they forget to just LET GO.
Quite trying to figure it all out…It just makes it more contusing. The answers are right in front of you.
Be the captain of your own life boat. You set a destination and guide the boat there but then you sit back and enjoy the ride. Sometimes it gets turbulent…the waters of life get choppy…but don’t fight it…Ride it out – enjoy the excitement. Sometimes you don’t make it to your destination at the time you had hoped, but that’s ok….there’s no rush so long as you’re enjoying the ride. Sometimes it gets so stormy, you get thrown off course and end up at a different destination all together. TRUST IT – Know that there is a reason and LIVE IT.
Like children with self-control.
So much of our thought and behavior is based in Fear – which essentially; bottom line – comes down to a fear of death – whether it be physical death, death of the soul, the death of hope, death of pride (rejection), death of love (heartbreak). Each action equates to the fear of the death of some aspect of ourselves – but this is purely ego and stubbornness to resist change. If we just accept the ever-changing, ever-evolving state of being in our lives, our world, everyone and everything around us – ACCEPT change everyday, than everything feels fine.
It’s like directing and starring in the movie of your life which writes itself thru your conscious actions.
Weakness is humankind’s most beautiful condition – it is what makes us unique…our ability to FEEL – to love – to hate – EMOTIONS – so much so that half of us are walking around filled with seemingly unwarranted worry – “Generalized anxiety” or “panic disorder” we call it – but really we’re just eating away at our own insides with all the love and grief and emotion that has become physically unacceptable to express. We have become like robots on the outside. If only we knew that our weakness is what makes us beautiful – So beautiful sometimes it makes me want to cry for those who can’t see it. Oh what they’re missing out on – It’s like nothing else… END